What Makes You Sad? 

Yesterday was all about happy and today is about sad. Honestly I try to avoid sadness. I avoid anything that might make me feel sad. I try to find the good and the positive in everything. But I suppose one can’t entirely avoid sadness. So I guess I have to find a way to answer this question. Children being sick, when someone I love is sick or sad. World disasters I still cry every year on 9/11. I cry almost every time I hear the song “Just a Dream” by Carrie Underwood. Other people do that too right? 

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But on a personal level what makes me most sad and is often the hardest for me to deal with is being misunderstood. When someone gets their feelings hurt by me or feels I was mean to them when I didn’t mean to. This breaks my heart. 

I guess most people just want to be understood. There is no better feeling in the world then to be “got”. Sometimes we have to ask questions and seek people in our lives that have an open spirit to “get” us. Keeping to the sad theme when we feel alone and misunderstood it’s painful. It causes self doubt and in some self loathing. It can take a drastic and scary turn. But it is important to remember that sadness will be fleeting if you allow it to become a choice rather than the way of life. Now that being said I believe in depression. I know there are times that the sadness can be paralyzing. I know that it can be so overwhelming you can’t describe it. I’ve been there. As a child as an adult I’ve experienced it. But…I don’t let it take over. I’m honest I’m open. I have bad times and I own them. They are my feelings in the moment and it’s ok to have them. They don’t have to make sense. Most of the time when I’m sad it doesn’t even make sense to me. But I have to overcome. So for the majority of my life when hormones and brain chemicals aren’t fighting for control over me and my emotions I choose to focus on the happy. I have bad days. I have bad moments in the middle of good days. It’s hard to be happy all the time. I do try though. Just know that it’s ok to be sad. But it’s also ok to let the sadness go and to keep moving toward the happy. 

Please my friends. Don’t stay on the sad focus on the happy! But if you ever need to chat or need to talk to someone I’m here I’m not a professional but I have an ear. And if you need one I’ll gladly start helping you search for the right professional if you feel you need one. 

Love 

Becky 

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Favorite Blogs 

  
Image courtesy http://shawngraham.me/blog/category/blogging 

Every blog I have ever read had something special to offer. I think part of that is probably my fascination with all people. Everyone has a story. Good and bad we all have a story and I find it all interesting. However there have been some very special bloggers that have touched my heart. 

  
The first is my friend Laurie over at Andiamo. An amazing writer that uses such real vivid imagery in her writing you can’t help but laugh out loud and feel like you are right there with her for each post. I related to her immediately. Her photos and fantastic tales are addictive and a daily treat. And I’m blessed that she is also my friend now in real life too! 

  
Next would be a new find. Deborah over at Where’s the Fairy Tale? I’ve only just recently started reading this blog but her voice is “real” and fresh. I’m excited to read more and more. 

There are so many more I could go on for days; specific issue blogs are always interesting and have such a place in the blogosphere. I love foodie blogs and of course makeup. Also blogs that face depression and true life issues head-on. This is what my soul needs for my personal journey as well as a great way for anyone to learn a little bit more about their fellow man. 

Lastly, my internet bleach. The blog I go to when I just need to have a good chuckle and forget about anything serious I head over to Cake Wrecks. Messed up cakes are the best and our family has embraced the humor and randomness that are Cake Wrecks. Hence my sons last birthday cake. 

  
Merry 19th Anniversary. That’s right! 

What do you look for in a blog? What are some of your favorites (maybe mine can make your list someday)?!?!? 

Love 

Becky 

Favorite Subject in School? 

This is probably the easiest question of the whole 30 day challenge. My favorite was reading and writing which led to a passion for history. 

  
Image courtesy of Carlos Porto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Communication is key to everything in life from how we express ourselves to how we interpret what comes at us. These lessons are found all throughout the teaching we experience in reading, writing and even history. 

Cultural differences can affect interpretation even in reading and writing lessons as well as history. Believe me if you were raised in NY it was different than if you were raised in TN or perhaps if you were raised in a different country. I’m fascinated by people and places and how we have changed over time. I’ve found a healthy desire to read brought me better understanding and enjoyment out of classes like history, sociology, etc. 

Now sadly my brain works in a special way and all of this abstract stuff I got. Sadly math and science eluded me. I still have a hard time with math. But well I guess it’s good I learned some. I can balance the checkbook and it helps to plan an event. Haha wedding cake for 125 is How much per piece? 

But really I just loved school. I was never picked on. At least not that I remember or cared about much after it happened. I wasn’t popular but I had friends and I feel like I had quite a few. I was opinionated and liked to participate in my classes and drive my teachers crazy I’m sure. But mostly I just loved learning and I loved the social experiment that was school. We are all so different and yet all the same especially during those formative years. I realize not a lot of people loved their school experience but mine wasn’t bad. Even if I did graduate with a kid on my hip lol! I still learned and I still developed some good habits that have treated my well as an adult. And my love of reading, writing and history are all very much a part of who I am today.

What did you like in school? 

Love 

Becky 

Where will you be in 5 years?

I will readily admit this is one of my least favorite questions of this entire challenge. I have no idea where I will be in 5 years. I used to do an extensive 5 year budget. But other than money I just can’t plan that far ahead. I guess if I really had to answer this question I will be a wife. I will be a home owner. I will hopefully be working full time and enjoying time with my friends and family. Those are my big 5 year plans. 

But you know, I’m not sure we should plan that far into the future. I think having goals and dreams is great but if I’m so focused on making something happen in 5 years could I be missing something happening now or perhaps missing out on an opportunity because I had a 5 year plan? 

If you had asked me 5 years ago where I would be in 5 years I wouldn’t have said I would be working where I’m working or even in the field I’m working in. I wouldn’t have thought I would be engaged to the man of my dreams. 

I think looking ahead and dreaming for down the road is great but make sure your focus is on today because tomorrow is definitely not promised. Enjoy every moment and keep your eyes open to every opportunity. Have plans have goals for sure. Having something to reach for can keep you reaching but have an anchor in today that holds you in the moment you have don’t hold onto just the moment you hope you can have someday. 

And with that I’m going to go snuggle the man of my dreams and watch some shows. I’m a lucky girl. Much luckier than I could have ever known 5 years ago. 

Love 

Becky 

How many journeys can you take at once? 

How many? Well that question is similar to the question how many hats can you wear at once and I think the number is somewhere between 1 and infinite depending on the person. My current journeys are mother to an adult (this may be the hardest), fiancé/wedding planner (this may be the most fun at the moment), Krav Maga which combines my health and fitness/weight loss journey, and now I have added a bible study. Seamless by Angie Smith. A woman I am friends with on Facebook put out into the FB community that she wanted to start an online bible study. I was thinking a small group online a couple of women I already knew and trusted this would be a great way to reconnect with my faith. I haven’t lost faith but I haven’t felt as connected as I would like to. This particular bible study is meant to help one understand the bible as a complete story. I truly was so excited about this new journey. I felt like this was what I needed. I was so excited to connect with a few women not maybe one on one but a small enough group I would feel comfortable. In this digital age and age of super churches we have become use to connecting by the hundreds and thousands if we connect at all. And yes I realize I’m making this statement on my blog that I hope will reach many but I feel some things really do belong on a more intimate and personal level and I’ve always felt that while a very large church can be super successful and can have groups to make people feel welcome and get a positive message as well as a network of activities and events for a sense of community the bible studies and small groups do so much as well. Anyway, as I was saying this group originally I thought maybe 20-50 women. Well each day leading up to the start of the study as I was getting excited to order my book and even more excited to possibly get together with these women the numbers kept rising. There were 500, then 1000, then 3000, and as of the start of the study there are over 5000 women from all over the country heck for that matter, the world and from all different walks of life and age and circumstance. I realize there is a part of me that should be so excited for this group and this adventure. I’m trying to open myself up to this but I have to be honest, it feels like one more giant group I will get lost in and I might as well be doing the study alone. There was a sense of happiness for the leaders that they will be able reach so many but a sense of sadness that one of the main reasons I joined this group (for some positive female interaction) was just gone. My fiancé told me if it really disappointed me I shouldn’t do it. I should look for a different study or do something else. But I want to try and stick with this. I committed, I had already purchased the book and honestly the thought of the bible as a complete story appealed to me. So here I go adding yet another adventure/journey to my plate. Pray for me and if you can maybe cheer me on a little bit too. And if you are interested here is a link to info about the study: Seamless by Angie Smith

Love, 

Becky 

What does the face of anxiety look like? 

I haven’t done a weekly rant in quite some time. But the need arose and I realized sometimes we do have to be honest and put a piece of ourselves out there because someone else might need to hear it. I always considered myself fairly well rounded and I’m not talking about my actual shape hehe! I have always had lots of friends and been close to many different people. I love people! I have been told by my friends that I was a mother before I was a mother. I cared for and looked after my friends always. They could call me for anything and I would be there. This is still the case. But what many of them don’t know is that I suffer from severe anxiety attacks and occasional bouts of depression and I have for years. And sadly until recently I never thought I could turn to them.  18.1 percent of American adults – about 42 million people – live with anxiety disorders. This fact and more can be found here: Fact and statistics

One of the most common misconceptions is that someone with anxiety is just emotional. When someone you love is crying and they can’t give you a reason they really may not have one. I spent a lot of years hiding my emotions and fears from family and friends. Feeling like your being crushed by your world is indescribable. There are times that it physically hurts to be alone, but it is so painful and frustrating to be around others and not be able to fully articulate what you are going through. We have to hide it, ignore it, suppress it, or get labeled crazy or overly emotional. When someone has anxiety or depression and our family or friends find out we often hear how loved we are from those closest to us. And man we appreciate it. And we do believe you and we love you back. But logical emotion has absolutely nothing to do with what is happening to us when we are thrown into a full blown anxiety attack. So we are not slighting or belittling the sentiment but unfortunately it usually isn’t going to help get us through the episode. Normally we don’t know what has caused it or set us off. There are many tips for overcoming an attack and if you suffer from anxiety please do some research and figure out what works best for you. For me personally I can sense them coming on and I take some herbal remedy Pharma Gaba. I also have people in my life that can help me focus on other topics. Conversations that don’t focus on my feelings but something that forces me to focus outside of myself. This is what works for me. 

Most importantly this rant is for two things 1. Get people talking about anxiety, depression, and mental illness 2. Let those that are suffering know that you are not alone. 

The face of anxiety or depression is not easily recognized. It could be your best friend, your sister or brother, the person sitting next to you at a restaurant or the person in the next cubicle over. These people do not need to be feared. These people wish to feel better, wish to feel normal and most importantly wish to be understood by themselves and by others. I have always been very lucky to have people in my life that are understanding. I have become the type of person that can be open about anything I have going on. It’s all part of me and I hope that this may help someone else to see what they have going on and know they have someone they can talk to. 

Most importantly if you fear for your safety or the safety of others seek attention from a medical professional. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed to tell your doctor you need help. If you can’t do it yourself get a family member to come with you but seek help. It’s out there to be had. And if you ever feel hopeless the Suicide Hotline is there to help. There is always someone to talk to. 

No matter what you are not alone. No matter where you are there is help. And this is just the start of the conversation. The face of depression and anxiety looks like me. Maybe it looks like you. 

  

Never Giving Up and a Gardening Tale 

Pretty much everyone in my family has a green thumb except for me. My grandfather had gardens that would make professional farmers envious right up until he passed away. This is the giant pumpkin he grew one year. 

  
My mother grows all sorts of things and she has managed to create an oasis on her little patio outside of her townhouse. The flowers and just gorgeous and the grapes are gonna be yummy I’m thinking maybe we learn to make wine! 

   
    
   
So it is sad to say that I did not inherit the gardening gene. There are times I’m honestly surprised my child grew and survived to 18. 

One of the best Admin Professional Day gifts I’ve ever received was a gorgeous Peace Lily. 

 
Now as you can see this Lily was given to me healthy and vibrant. Sadly this is what my lily looks like today: 

  
Neglect has caused this poor poor lily to fade from its former glory. I’m on a mission to bring it back and I will keep you updated as to the progress. 

But I wanted to share with you what occurred to me with this gardening post. Love and attention is what caused my grandfather’s garden to always be blossoming and growing strong. Love and attention has done the same for my mother’s plants. 

If we want to thrive and grow we need love and attention. Some of us need a little more attention than others; ferns are supposed to be easy to grow and hydrangeas aren’t. But humans can be just like plants sometimes and we can’t tell you exactly what we need. But we start to show the neglect over time. And this love and attention unlike plants doesn’t have to come from someone else. With humans it comes first from within. Only we know ourselves best. We may not realize it but we know what we need and if it is something we need from someone else we just have to use our words and ask. Most importantly we never give up and we keep trying to thrive and bloom. 

Perhaps this has turned into a rant. But I want everyone that sees this blog to remember to never give up. Always strive to thrive! 

Love 

Becky